The Scribblings On The Wall...

I am suddenly so OBSESSED with this song. I think it must have something to do with me attempting to sing this song masa karaoke and realising that I was so off-key cause I haven't heard this song in ages. LOL. I miss old Malay songs. They're so much better than the current songs!

Yeah, I can see how weird this is, coming from me. Lol.

One day last week, my grandmother (my dad's mom) asked me about my job cause my dad told her that I'm going to be doing my internship this holidays. So I was telling her how I got into an audit firm and what sort of work I might be doing and stuff. And then she asked me something that somehow managed to irritate me.

She asked me whether my uncle (my mom's youngest brother) had helped me in getting the job.

I don't know why, but I felt somewhat insulted that she felt that I had to ask my uncle for a job.

Granted, my uncle is the Executive Director and Head of the Alliance Investment Management Berhad (which I just found out 5 minutes ago after looking at the Alliance Bank website. LOL.), but I want to see whether I can find work on my own, without having the burden of someone's reputation on my shoulders.

In fact, when I told my uncle that I got the job at BDO, he was like "Oh, that's good cause they're up-and-coming and they'll give you some real experience in auditing. Not like the Big Four" and he sounded genuinely happy and proud of me that I got the job. That's what I love about him. He's always been supportive with what I've done. In fact, he was the one who told me take up Econometrics instead of Finance as my major in Monash.

My back-up plan has always been to do an internship with him if I couldn't get a job on my own, but now I've come to realise that nepotism is really a double-edged sword. See, if I manage to excel when I work under him, people would be saying "Of course she'll do well. She's Nik Azhar's niece." or if I somehow manage to screw things up, people will start commenting on how badly I'm doing, and it will inevitably affect my uncle's reputation, too.

So yeah, even though nepotism is the norm in Malaysia (especially in the Malay culture), I'd rather not have it hanging over my head.

I'd like to start from scratch, where my success will be mine and where my failures would not taint anyone else's reputation.

Call it pride or arrogance if you may, but I'd like to think of it as INDEPENDENCE.

Number one priority in being an auditor: You have to be independent. So I better start now, right? Like they say, no time like the present. Lol.

Cute, right? =) I think i must have been about seven/eight months old at that time.

I went over to my grandparents house today because they wanted to give me old pictures that they found of us back when we were younger. My parents loved taking pictures of Anis and I back when we were younger so that they could send it back to the grandparents. Lol. So the first picture my grandmother showed me was this particular picture, which was nicely in a frame because it was quite a huge picture. I was caught speechless looking at it and my grandfather teased me and said "Look at how pretty you WERE in that picture".

Thanks Tok Ayah. I feel so much better now. Really I do.

But I love this picture!!!! It's now being proudly displayed on my bedside table. Hehehe.

So my aunt and I were going through the pictures and we went "Oooohhhh" and "ahhhh" at most of them while my grandma were narrating the events in the pictures.

Until she came across something that almost made me had a heart attack.

It was a picture TWO pictures of MY DAD BATHING ME. Granted, I was like a month old in the picture, but oh my God, I did not need a picture of my naked baby body shown to the world. So while my grandma was proudly talling my aunt and my grandfather "See this? Which father would actually bathe their baby daughters?", I was just mortified by the fact that I have NAKED BABY PICTURES.

And then, as if THAT wasn't mortifying enough, my grandfather actually said this, "Alia, maybe you should ask your papa why he doesn't bathe his daughter anymore." What the hell. -__-

Even if that was a joke, it didn't make it any less mortifying.

But what I found really interesting was that behind some of the pictures, either my mum and dad would scribble some narrations for the pictures. Like in these pictures below, they wrote:

I still heart Delta, even after all this years! Lol. I especially love the high note at 3.42 to 3.53.

In reference to the previous post, the paper turned out to be better than I expected (I can sense the "I-told-you-so's" from those who are reading this). But studying for that was quite mad. I was so stressed out that Wednesday night in Monash, at one point I actually ended up laying on the desks while reading notes. Yep. What a sight. Lol.

But now exam's over! And I'm on holidays until the 1st of December, when I start my internship. =)

I've already started indulging yesterday by eating Mexican food at Las Carretas!

And I had ice-cream, too. Twice. In one day. Which is practically unheard of. Lol.

Oh, and the people I hung out with yesterday were great company! So yesterday was definitely a nice start to the hols.

Anyways, this morning when I woke up, I realised that one thing I really want to do this holiday is to actually go and donate blood, because everytime I want to donate blood, something will definitely come up.

I've actually contemplated going to the National Blood Center but I'm scared that if I do go there alone, I might not be able to drive back after donating the blood. But then again, it's only like a 5-minutes drive from my house. It's ironic isn't it that I'm not afraid of the needle, but afraid of the drive home. LOL. Let's see how it goes.

But I really do want to go and donate blood. I've been wanting to do it for years! Don't ask me why. I just feel like it's something that I should do. I think those who have been reading this blog for a long time would know that I have always complained about not being able to donate blood due to unfortunate timing/circumstances. Please pray it'll happen this time around!

Oh, I realised one random thing about myself yesterday while I was talking to Natnat. Instead of saying "I haven't", I tend to say "I've not", and it's so funny cause I'm not quite sure where I picked up the expression from. Yeah. Very random. LOL.

12.15 AM: Got back home from Monash. Took a bath and prayed.

1.00 AM: Slept.

1.30 AM: Woke up. The room was too hot. Turned on the air-cond.

2.30 AM: Room was too cold. Turned off air-cond.

3.30 AM: Woke up and went SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT, haven't finished studying.

5.30 AM: Couldn't be bothered to pretend to sleep anymore. Woke up and started worrying like nobody's business. Seriously thought of deferring the paper.

6.30 AM: Screw this paper. I'm just gonna do it.

I've never been this way when it comes to exams. What the fuck. I hate this paper. Wish me luck.

During the Kelantan-Negeri Sembilan match, I was like:

First 10 mins: "GOMO KLATE GOMO!"

When the Kelantan fans started becoming rowdy: "Bo la buat kenat. Bakpo la jadi lagu ni."

Negeri's first goal: "Saya buke oghe Klate. Saya oghe Ingle." (I'm not Kelantanese, I'm English. LOL.)

Final result: "BAKPO KLATE BAKPO?????" =(

Yeah. I was muttering to myself in Kelantanese the whole match. And I rarely speak Kelantanese in public, mind you. Even with my cousins I don't talk Kelantanese.

But at least now Arsenal leapfrogged Man Utd in the Premier League table, so I'm still happy. Lol.

Oh, I realised that last weekend, I had four days to study for my papers on the 11th and 12th. (Auditing and Accounting Theory). I had the choice of either:

• Using most of my time to study for Audit, get a Distinction for that, but then I'd end up ditching Theory and might fail that stupid paper. Or,
  
• Study Theory and try to pass my paper, but then I won't have enough time to cover everything for Audit and hence might not get the most marks I could.
  

Obviously I went for the latter. I just hope what I've managed to study would be enough. I hate opportunity costs. =(

OMG. I've just notices that this post would be my 281st post.

What the helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.

This blog has been in existence forever then.

Maybe I should change to another blog.

Oooohhhh, I should do that when the posts number reach 300!!!

Then I shall change the blog name to something more grown-up sounding like aliaazani.blogspot.com or something like that la. LOL.

"sugaholic" was sooooo three years ago. Hahahahahahaha.

Yep, the stress is getting to me. I can't even talk in coherent sentences anymore these past few days.

And I realised I have the tendency to either have too many posts or not post anything at all when I'm stressed out.

Good thing about this blog is that there aren't many people that are reading it. Although I realised that I do have those occasional silent readers. I can't understand what makes my post so intriguing, though. Dah la I sound like a bimbo in my posts most of the time nowadays.

Okay, back to studying. URGH.

I don't know why, but today's paper was ridiculously ridiculous.

I have been on track every single week for this unit.

I have been studying for this unit like mad these past few days.

And then the paper turned out like SHIT.

I know I still have a chance at getting Distinction, but oh dear God, I felt so stupid after the paper. I actually abandoned a question halfway because I just couldn't get it. When the invigilators took the paper away, I just sat there, my mind blank.

After the paper, most of us went to eat at Papa John's and that was nice la cause I didn't have to pay since Acap owed both Kacip and I, so we both got free dinner. Lol. Thanks Acap.

But after the dinner, in Liyana's car, when the last of the adrenaline from the day wore off, I started becoming slightly depressed. I just felt such disappointment, like all of my effort has gone to waste.

And then I told Liyana "I wish I had a boyfriend right now. I just want a guy who can be supportive when I'm feeling down like this" I mean, I was listening to her talk with her boyfriend and I know it must be nice for her to have that someone to talk to when she's stressed out.

It didn't help that when I got home, the first thing Anis asked was "How was your paper?"

So while I was complaining to her, I think the stress of the last few days kinda exploded and I ended up shedding a few tears. I hate the fact that it's so easy for me to cry nowadays.

I think I'm feeling the effects of a burnout.

I am just so tired of everything right now. And I still have two more papers.