The Scribblings On The Wall...

Liyana called me just now to say that she has something she wanted to tell me, but she warned me that I might be a bit stressed out after she told me the story.

So yeah, I just listened to her while she told me the story la. Oh yeah, I did end up becoming stressed afterwards, and thus I am venting out my frustrations in this post.

She told me how she went and met up with a few of her friends from school the other day and after they talked for a while, inevitably their talk shifted to the topic of working.

So they were asking Liyana where she'll be working during the holidays and so she told them la.

What surprised Liyana (and me, when she told me the story) was her friends' reactions.

They actually said something like "Kenapa tak cari kerja kat the Big Four macam KPMG or EY? Kat situ lagi ramai Melayu. Susah la kerja kat tempat ramai orang Cina macam BDO. Nanti diorang will look down on you sebab you Melayu". Or something to that effect.

And then Liyana asked me "Please tell me, how was I supposed to react to that?"

I seriously didn't know what to say. So I told her, if I were in her position, I would have just been stunned that those words came out of their mouth. But I told her what my reply would be, "I nak kerja kat BDO sebab I nak dapat experience. And kalau diorang nak treat me badly, I kisah apa. It's part of the experience. Not everyone's going to treat you well. You just have to adapt la. That's what working is all about. Adapting."

And she told me that her reply to her friends was something similar to what I had in mind, but less blunt la. LOL.

So Liyana was saying that she didn't know what to make out of her friends' remarks. Was she supposed to be demotivated that she didn't get into the Big Four? Or scared cause they might treat us badly for being Malays? She was just confused la, basically. I don't blame her. I would be confused too by those remarks.

And that's when Liyana and I started comparing her friends' reactions with the reactions that we got from our Monash friends (who are all Malay, mind you): When we told our Monash friends that we got the internship at BDO, they were all so supportive of us and most of them remember that we're starting the internship on the 1st of December and they want to hear about our internship experience.

NONE of them even thought about any racism or prejudism that might happen when we start our internship.

In fact, when Liyana and I thought of it, we're actually more worried about the fact that we might have to come back late rather than the fact that we're going to be working with Chinese people. The thought of them treating us differently because of our race NEVER EVEN CROSSED OUR MIND, GODDAMMIT.

To put it into perspective, when I went for the interview, I was in there with 3 other Chinese girls and the interviewer did not treat me any differently from the other girls. NEVER did the question of race ever propped out during the whole interview, even though it was blatantly obvious that I'm not Chinese.

If they really want to discriminate us as Malays, they could have just not accepted our resumes. Or they could have rejected us after the interview. Or just interviewed us Malays together. But they did none of these, so I'd like to think that all of the interns coming in are on equal footing.

So I just told Liyana to not think too much into this because once the seed is planted in our heads that we might be discriminated, we'll stop acting like ourselves and either become too timid or start trying too hard to please people, and hence people WILL discriminate us.

So yes, I am annoyed that there are still people our age who have the mindset that "Oh, you shouldn't work here just because it's full of people who aren't from your race."

Sometimes I feel like giving these people a nice big slap in the face so that they'll break out of their tiny constrained mindset. Not only is it an insult to the Chinese people when these people think that working with Chinese people are bad, it's also an insult to Malays like me who are trying to better ourselves by taking small risks.

I feel like most Malays are afraid of failure, and hence they tell themselves that they are satisfied with being where they are, with no intentions whatsoever of improving themselves.

We Malays should actually take a leaf out of the Chinese's book and look into their work ethics, where they are constantly trying to improve themselves. They're also willing to take risks and aren't afraid of failures, hence they are more likely to be successful.

I am so thankful for many things right now. I'm thankful that:
- I'm in a place like Monash, where they teach us to aim for the sky and try our best in everything we do. And that as hellish as Monash is, it has kinda prepared me for the stress that will definitely come in the future.
- I am surrounded by friends whose mindsets are similar to mine. I've come to realised how important it is to surround yourself with people who understand you.
- My ambition is on track and that I actually have an internship to look forward to this holidays.
- I have a supportive family who are proud that I have gotten this internship.

Yeah, I might sound like a Melayu murtad, but seriously, if being a Malay is about living in fear that people from different races will try to sabotage you at every turn you take, then I'd rather not be known as a Malay.

Now I see why what they say Malays are bodoh sombong. If this is the kind of attitude that Malays have, we will go nowhere.

Niat kita nak cari gaji halal. Cari kerja pun cara halal. Biar lah kalau kena discriminate pun. As long as our mind is true, intentions are true and what we're doing is not illegal, it doesn't matter right whether I work with Malays or non-Malays?

Hence, I refuse to be poisoned by these prejudism.

God, I am SO annoyed. And it's now 2 o'clock in the morning. JOY.

PS: Now I understand why Anis said this: "Kakya, you better watch your mouth. Nanti kena detain under ISA baru tau". Haih. I can be so scary when something ticks me off.