The Scribblings On The Wall...

I HATE EXAMS.

Especially when you know you can answer everything, but you couldn't because you didn't have enough time to write down everything.

At times like this I really wish I can write as fast as I think.

I wanna cryyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Plus, my body is rebelling. I just had to fall sick on the day that I had a paper. I had to bring in one packet of tissue with me into the exam hall cause my nose was runny.

Sigh.

Oh yeah, suddenly I remembered a conversation I had with a few friends about pre-conceived notions, first impressions and external appearances, and how wrong they can be.

This subject first crept up when I was studying with my friend and we found out that one of the papers that the seniors said was hard is not hard at all, but because we had the pre-conceived notion that it's hard, we decided to only study the units properly near the exams. While we were doing the questions, we were like, "This is it????? It's not that hard! Dammit. Should've studied earlier" and we cursed ourselves for not studying earlier.

So yeah, preconceived notions can suck. Haih. So we're planning on not listening so much to what the seniors are saying cause we dont want to start panicking when there's really nothing to worry about.

And while we were talking about this, we ended up on the subject of first impressions and how these impressions can end up hurting you. I know people look at me and straight away classify me as a nerd. I'm not surprised though. LOL. But it gives me such pleasure when I manage to prove them wrong. People are kinda surprised to find that I can be really bimbotic sometimes. And I don't know whether I'm a good judge of character cause usually my first impressions of people tend to be wrong. Usually the people are not as good as I thought they were. Hahaha.

We also started talking about external appearances. I'm not trying to sound vain, but I know that at this moment (fine, maybe not this PARTICULAR moment, cause I have my panda eyes -_-), I look better than when I was in school. And it irks me that whenever I see my old schoolmates, they look at me differently, like they're reassessing me. And I dont know whether I should feel insulted or flattered when they say something along the lines of, "Eh, you look different la now" or "You dah kurus la" or "Eh, you look pretty now" because on the one hand, it means that they notice how I look, but on the other hand, it basically implies that they thought I was ugly and fat last time. This also applies to all those family members that I only see during Raya. Haih.

But if the compliments came from people who I've known for like ages, I dont mind, cause I realised that most of the time, they dont care about my outer appearance and when they say I look pretty, it makes me happy. LOL. Plus, I've known them since like forever, so I know whether they're sincere or not.

I used to have some really bad self-esteem issues, so when I get compliments from people, I tend to be very cynical because I'm not sure the compliments are sincere or not. And if people say they like me because of how I look, I feel so awkward, and a bit put-off, actually, because I know I'm just average-looking.

On the other extreme, I also hate people who only become friends with me because I'm smart and they figured that they could get answers to questions from me. Just because I'm nice, doesnt mean you can trample over me, okay? I have feelings, too. I realised that this has been happening since when I was in school, when people come up to me only when they need my help with their work, and once they're done, they isolate me.

Yeah, story of my life.

So now, when people ask me why I like to study alone, I guess it's because I'm used to studying alone and like they say, old habits die hard. But I realised that I'm a happier person now as compared to when I was in school. And what's really ironic to me is that when I was searching for friends, there were none, but now when I'm comfortable with being just by myself, people come to me.

Funny how life works, no?

Okay, I need to go now. Must start studying for Law (my last paper, Thank God!!!!!!!!!).

Toodles, people! =)